I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
