I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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