dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
