I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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