If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
that may or may not have been my penis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
