My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
