i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
