Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
