I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
