he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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