I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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