i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize