Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
