So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
