Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
