Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize