birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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