I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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