Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
