I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
