Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
