Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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