sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
