I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
