"it" just moved
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
