he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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