Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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