Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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