Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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