Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
