It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
