plz talk dirty to me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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