she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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