the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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