found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
