In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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