Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
