apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
