he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
