I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize