pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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