oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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