They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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