I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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