just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
