Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
