I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
