we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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