Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize