The best revenge is premature balding
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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