this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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