My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
