I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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