if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
