hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
