so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
