i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize