awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
