DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
