I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
