I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh god it's open bar.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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