may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
