people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
