I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
