Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
