She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize