wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
