I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
