Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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