Swine flu. Run for my life!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i drank out of a bidet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
