so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize