my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize