do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
