It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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