He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
