Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
