that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
