my mouth tastes like poor choices
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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