Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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