hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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