the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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