oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
