dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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