I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
