Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She's the barista slut.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize