the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
