did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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