Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
