K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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