And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
