he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
