so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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