You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
