We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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