Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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