Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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