I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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