i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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