If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
