So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
