my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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