Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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