u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My vagina just clenched in fear
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
